


Failure

by legendaryjuls



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Best Friends, F/M, Pain, Sadness, care, failure - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 22:25:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18979567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendaryjuls/pseuds/legendaryjuls
Summary: You failed once again and Bambam is here to help you get through it.





	Failure

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> i know this is anything but good, but i decided to upload it, because in this you can find all my pain and stress that i was facing the past weeks and i know many people feel something similar to that, so maybe it can help you feel a bit comforted too. 
> 
> there is a mention of failure and self hate, so if that triggers you, please don't read it. 
> 
> lots of love 
> 
> p.s.: english isn't my first language so be gentle with me.

You sat in front of your computer, feeling the pressure on your chest while the fear within you was rising again. You starred at the desktop, waiting for the mail to pop up. The mail that would let you know if you failed or passed the exam that was bringing you to your knee’s weeks before. All the tears that you cried for the past four weeks of studying seem to come back now. Piling in your eyes threatening to fall, you wiped over your eyes in hopes they would just disappear, but they didn’t. You thought the exam went well, you thought you finally would pass. It was your third attempt after all, the last attempt before you had to quit. You were afraid, but also hopeful, you just had to pass. There was no way all this studying didn’t do anything for you. You waited and waited and waited. It just didn’t come up. They said the results are going to be published at midnight it was now 12:13 A.M. and there was nothing. You took a shaky breath, maybe you got the date wrong? Maybe it wasn’t today, maybe it was tomorrow? You got out jour notebook and looked up the date, confirming you were right. 

The Ringing of your phone distracted you for a second, you saw a message from your best friend Bambam who had been by your side for all the weeks studying, making sure that you wouldn’t overwork yourself and if you did, made sure that you were okay. He knew how though the last few weeks have been for you, writing two exams straight after that for your other major. The major you only picked up because you couldn’t continue much in the other since the exam was a requirement for most of the lectures in your next semester He saw you pushing yourself to your limits and Bambam never before was so concerned. He knew you had high expectations towards yourself and when you told him you failed the first two attempts of the exam he could see how deep your disappointment was. Knowing your parents also wanted to see you succeed, but they had a way of pressuring you. Saying you didn’t put in enough effort, when in fact you give it your all. 

“Do you have the results yet?” It said.

You didn’t answer, shifting your gaze back to your desktop. You heard the little signal of an incoming e-mail. The one mail you waited for all evening, anticipating the moment you waited for, but instead of opening the mail looking up your result you just stared at the screen. Fear took over you, you couldn’t do this. You really couldn’t, it was as if the fear crawled through your body, that made it stop functioning. Another signal made you look up again, the results for your other exams came in as well. Gave the fear even more control over your body. Something you completely utterly hated. You felt the tears leaving your eyes, because you were so afraid to not be good enough. So afraid that you failed again, that you had to tell your parents once again that you fucked up. Another message popped up on your phone.

“Y/N, do you have the results?” Another message followed.  
“Oh god you do have them don’t you?” Followed by another.   
“ANSWER ME.” Followed by another  
“ARE YOU OK? DO I NEED TO COME OVER?” and yet another message made it’s way to you.   
“I’M WORRIED Y/N” the next thing you heard was your ringtone going off. 

You knew that Bambam wouldn’t give up on that. So you wiped your eyes once again, picking up the phone, without saying anything.   
“Y/N? Are you there?”, his voice laced with worry, but you couldn’t say anything. Tears leaving your eyes, you weren’t sure why it made you so emotional just hearing his voice. You couldn’t talk, you tried but you couldn’t. The only thing leaving your mouth was some words that sounded more like a cry in pain.   
“I’m on my way.”, Bambam said and you could hear some rustling in the background. It wasn’t even a question for Bambam to come over, because you were always there for him during his trainee time. Your first friend in school until he had to leave eventually to debut with GOT7. To both of your surprise you held contact and grew closer even though he barely had the time. Somehow you still made it work, the past few weeks he was on a break, but now he is back into training for the new comeback. Nevertheless, he’d always make time for you, especially when you need him.   
“Y/N talk to me please.”, he said a pleading tone but you still couldn’t, you still were trying to regain control over yourself. So the only thing you did was trying to muffle a sob, to let him know you were still there.   
“Did you look at them already? You should have called me earlier, we could have looked over them together.”, you could hear the car doors shutting and the engine turn on.   
“Don’t stay on the phone while driving, please.”, you said quietly afraid he wouldn’t hear it. The thought that he would be here soon calmed you a bit, you were still crying, but it wasn’t as bad.   
“Don’t worry, the phones connected to the car.”, he said and you could almost feel the relieve he just had, because you said something.   
“Is it certain? Are you sure you didn’t just looked at the other grades?”, he asked again and you shook your head.   
“I didn’t do it.”, you simply said and pulled your knee’s towards your body. Your voice was still cracked and pressed, since you tried hard to not lose it completely.   
“Good, I’m gonna be there in a few minutes. Just hold on a little longer alright?” He reassured you and it helped you calm down further. You weren’t alone, you knew you weren’t alone but sometimes you felt like it. It was so hard for you to voice out your thoughts. You could write them down, but once you wrote them down you didn’t feel like showing anyone. It didn’t necessarily help you, but you at least felt like you did something. Like you did at least something.   
“Y/N, are you still there?”, Bambam asked again and you just mumbled a response staring at the Mail that would link you to the website of your university. 

A knock on the front door made you snap out of it, you where about to stand up when you heard the keys in the lock. You gave Bambam a second key to your apartment years ago and yet still he knocked before he came in because there was this one time he walked in on you being naked and it was kind of weird, so he got used to knocking.   
“Y/N?”, he asked into the silence. You could feel your eyes water again, knowing he’s here now and knowing you’re not alone in this anymore gave you some relief. You still could feel the fear in your chest, but you also felt some kind of comfort knowing Bambam was there.   
“Kitchen.”, you said quietly, knowing he would hear it anyway. At the sound of your pressed voice he quickly made his way over to where you were. The sight of you, sitting in front of your screen, tears still not dried worried him. He just hated to see you this way. Without hesitation he sat down beside you and put his arm around you.   
“I’m here now, it’s okay.”, he said and the moment those words left his mouth you silently let the tears fall.   
“We’re gonna get through this together okay? It will all turn out okay, no matter what the result is, there will be ways.”, he said while stroking your arm, you leaned into his touch. He spent you the comfort the comfort that you needed. 

Both of you sat there in silence, just finding comfort there for a moment. Still leaning against Bambams shoulder you opened up the mail and clicked on the link to the website. You heart was pounding again, and you felt the fear return. It frightened you, but the longer you tried to prolong it the worse you would become. So you took a deep breathe while Bambam squeezed your shoulder, letting you know he’s gonna be there no matter what. So you klicked on the results and the moment you looked at it you knew. You failed again, but this time you didn’t only failed that one test, you failed all of them. You really failed all of your exams. A strangled laugh left your mouth, you knew it. God you hated yourself in that moment, everything you did was for nothing. The failure hit you and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing until that laughing turned into sobs. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, you tried so hard to get air into your lungs but all that happened where weird noises leaving your mouth. You were such a fucking loser and instead of just sucking it in – you cried. Everything around you seem to crumble and you could feel Bambams grip tightening around you.   
“I’m so sorry.”, he said and went through your hair, somehow this set you off.   
“I hate myself so much.”, you buried your face in your hands.   
“I’m never going to get there. I’m forever and always going to be that one girl who dreamed big but failed to make it right. Did I ever do enough? I think not looking at my poor results. I’m such a failure.”, you went on taking a sharp breath.   
“Y/N.”, Bambam tried to reach you, but you couldn’t focus all you could focus on that feeling of hate towards yourself rising.   
“I’m never going to be good enough. My parents where right, I probably should just find a job, instead of having my head in the clouds, working towards something I’ll never reach. I hate this. I hate me. I don’t want to do this anymore.”, you cried and pulled your hair. Bambam has seen enough, he slammed the laptop shut and pulled your hand towards him with a firm grip. 

“Listen to me.”, the look in his eyes was full of determination. He couldn’t stand seeing you that way, he couldn’t stand seeing you in so much pain. You tried to get out of his grip.   
“Please, Bambam.”, you pleaded but he shook his head.   
“Listen first.”, his grip loosened a little bit, until he removed his hand to wipe away the tears that were still spilling from your eyes.   
“You’re not a failure. Yes, you did fail, but you are not a failure.”, he said caressing your cheek.   
“It might look like it to you now, but you did everything you could. I saw what you did for all of those exams, I saw the nights you spent crying over your notes. I saw how you basically sacrificed yourself the last few weeks. So you’re anything but a failure.”, Bambam continued, but you interrupted him.   
“Of course I am, despite doing all that I failed again.”, you said looking down.   
“Why am I like this?”, your voice wasn’t anything above a whisper and you wondered how he still grasped what he said.   
“Why are you like what? A fighter? Someone who gave it his all, someone who got up everytime after another failure? Because you care, Y/N.”, Bambam continued.   
“There are people who give up easily, you know? People that quit after failing once, you’re not one of them. You fought for it, but sometimes we lose.” You shook your head, you just felt so insecure in that moment. The uncertainty of what you’re supposed to do know rushed over you like another wave. What are you going to do now?   
“Even though we sometimes loose, we’ll always learn something from it and we’ll find ways.”, Bambam lifted your head.   
“If one door closes, another one opens.”, he said and wiped more tears away.   
“And I promise you, I’m gonna kick that door open if I have to, as long as you’ll find it.” His words warmed your heart and at this point you cried even more. Everything that you lived through the past few weeks, all of it comes back up and it makes you feel absolutely weak. Bambam pulled you closer, letting you cry in his arms. He knew that it’s not gonna be easy for you these next weeks, but he promised himself to help you as best as he could. Bambam will not let you give up that dream, because he knows it best himself. If you have a dream it is worth fighting for it.


End file.
